The Lyrics of Judge Smith - Curly's Airships

Done!

The translation of Judge Smith's first songstory "Curly's Airships" into Russian, supplied with introduction and 90+ commentaries and references has been launched today! As always, visit the "Translation" section on The Russian pH/VdGG Page and in subsection 'Judge Smith' find the respective link, or use this direct link to the page.

So now "The Russian Translations of the Judge Smith's Songstories" task is accomplished and you can "take your seats in "Curly's Airship", rise high above the ground up to the highest mountain peaks following "The Climber", and accompanied by the beautiful music played by "Orfeas"". And don't forget to take with you your copy of "What is a 'Songstory'" essay introduced by "The Lyrics of Judge Smith".

On Translations - part 7

The draft version of "Curly's Airships" translation in Russian is ready!

What still needs to be done is just to reread it, to correct several suspicious lines, to synchronize with Judge's comments, to reread it once again, to check the rhymes in those separate song/radio spot fragments, to work out formatting, to add all the collected comments and references, to mark some special notes regarding the texts, to think out some opening address - and here we are!

We Are One

Some five years ago remus pleased DENNIS by finding information on the performer of "My Love, We Are One" from the movie Orca (The Killer Whale), and the lyrics. Today it is me who was pleased with that.

Artist: Carol Connors
Music: Ennio Morricone

I will bring the sun through darkened clouds
And I will live with you rainbows for your eyes
Rainbows for your eyes

Now, my love, we are one
We are one
We are one, cried my love
Let me lead you where the moonlit waters fall
Shadows softly call
My love, we are one
We are one
We are one, cried my love
Let me lead you where the stillness of the night
Delivered dawn’s first light
My love, we are one
We are one
We are one
We are one

The lyrics that were rejected (or maybe they weren't?)

Once again, I was asked by a friend to help him with writing lyrics for his songs. Once again I went through the pictures and images that are not of my style and not of my interest, but I should be paid for that. "OK, what to do. Give me the direction so I can start", I said. So in a couple of hours total the first song was finalized. The lyrics should be provided for a young female singer in the USA, so we looked through my text together, and lots of words and lines have been changed (EVEN MORE simplified, dulled and dumbed, I would say) in order to "sound accordingly", i.e. if a line ends with "day", the next one MUST end with anything that also ends with -ay; or if the voice on the demo record I based upon sings "nai-nou-lai-nou-nai-nou-baby-yeah-nai-nou" the final version MUST read "I know, I know, I know, baby yes, I know". The whole concept/idea/attitude/subject/implementation/working style look 180-degree opposite to my understanding of writing songs, but why should I say "no" if I am promised to be paid (in the times when it is needed very much)? So I said "OK, let's do it!"

Once I was trying to get some material result doing the same kind of stuff, following the same "production flow", guided by the same person and according to the same principles. In the end (when that song was actually wrote), I was told "No, the customer didn't like it", and I forgot about that.... Now I understand that I shouldn't. The same scenario worked for this time as well, so before sending the lyrics for the second song I asked "Are you sure, and can you guarantee that this time it will work fine?" and I was told "The customers are the people I respected the most and any kind of fail is impossible!", I kept in mind that I MUST be ready for the unsuccessful result. And this was the only thing in this whole story that I had clear idea about!

"The lyrics are wonderful, they said, but unfortunately the songs are written not by an American young girl, hence they don't reflect a US-teenager point of view; we need to write our own lyrics, sorry...." This is what I was told by my friend today. I asked "and what about the music? Did they reject it as well?" I knew he would say "No, they're fine with the music."

Was I fooled? Maybe. For the second time? Maybe. Wanna more? Surely not! :-)

And the lyrics? Oh, since they are "rejected" (and since they are actually weak) I am throwing them off.... in the cyberspace (the original versions, of course).



The Way I Go

The summer night has gently fallen down
The people there are waiting – it is Now
The stage before me is calling and I go
I’ve been waiting for so long
The lights are shining brightly over me
The faces are looking gently right at me
I am looking forward and I sing
To the Magic that I bring

And it changes night to day
And my fears run away
All the troubles disappear and I feel so strong
I truly hope this magic can do same to you
With all my heart I believe this can’t be wrong
That’s the way I go

I remember clearly when I was a child
I was told “that’s silly, don’t make a try”
But my heart kept singing, so I tried.
I’ve been trying for so long.
So I will remember this magic night
And how this magic feeling made me fly
The key to all my troubles is my Song
‘cause the Magic that it brings

Will surely change my nights to days
And will wipe my tears away
And will make my troubles look so tiny in my way
I truly hope this magic can do same to you
With all my heart I believe this can’t be wrong
That’s the way I go

In our weakest moments we lose our minds
Thinking none can help us – and crack inside
Truth is that we still can rise again
Just believe in Magic that happens every day

And it will change your nights to days
And will chase your fears away
And will make you happy and we will celebrate
I truly hope this magic can do same to all
With all my heart I believe this can’t be wrong
That’s the way I go



Hope you understand

I can see from my open window how
Fast the life rolls
People ‘round me dance to the rhythm of life
That’s how it goes.
But I’ll tell you what I think
I hope you’ll understand
Just look at the picture in my mind.

On the way I go all this fuss will just
Pass me by
Up above my head birds will fly in blue
Dome of the sky
Life is not just money bringing
I hope you understand
But if not then please just take my hand.

And we’ll walk outside
And through day and night
Will try to make things right.
Nothing changes by
itself, we must try
Support each other’s life.

Why we think of fright in the dead of night
And not of love?
Why destroy what has proved to be so right
And not wrong?
It’s so hard to explain my feelings
I hope you’ll understand
And I want to tell it with my heart.

And we’ll walk outside
And through day and night
Will try to make things right.
Nothing changes by
itself we must try
Support each other’s life.

This feeling lets us learn
About things we don’t know
About what we will meet on the way we’ll go.

And we’ll walk outside
And through day and night
Will try to make things right.
Nothing changes by
itself we must try
Support each other’s life.

The Lyrics of Judge Smith

Glad to say that "Translation" section on The Russian pH/VdGG Page has been enhanced today with a new subsection: Judge Smith!  Currently it contains translations of both "The Climber" and "Orfeas", as well as the translation of Judge's "What is a 'Songstory'" essay, which is introduced by "The Lyrics of Judge Smith". In fact, "The Fall of the House of Usher" was also translated many years ago, but it enriches the "Hammill" list.

Although I have already made a couple of dozens of "last" corrections recently, Sergey (the owner of the site) has told me to double check everything. I hope that the texts are now final - it took one month to set my head free, then to get back to this task again and only then to figure out the flaws in my texts that my eyes got used to at the earlier stages.

Multiple comments to the translations take readers to Russian-language web resources, except for several references. Either I couldn't find decent pages, or the Russian sources lacked something important. For example, the Russian version of "Eurovision" page in Wikipedia does not mention "Douze Points", which is quite important for that case, in my opinion.

OK, time to get back to my work assignments, and to prepare for a bigger task - the translation of Judge's "Curly's Airships".

Russian equivalent of 'a songstory' word - My Choice

.... And Judge replied.

Not that I got blessing in his reply for using one of the variants and prohibition for the other, no. He just stated the key features that his neologism contains. It wouldn't be bad to keep them intact.

"I adopted it [the neologism], as much as anything else, for the sound of the word 'SSSSongSSSStory'. As long as your Russian version includes the idea of Narration or Storytelling, and the idea of singing or a song, and the word sounds attractive, it will work well."



I had three more days of choosing headache, and even came up with the third variant, but eventually, with a help from a couple of fresh pairs of ears on sober-minded heads, and one not sober (drunk, that was mine) I made my choice upon the latter variant: Песнесказ [p`es - ne - sk`az].

More on the development progress can be found here and here.

P.S. And now I reflect, is there a point in stretching the process of launching of these translations? Maybe both should go simultaneously? Let's see what Sergey suggests - he will actually be doing it.

Russian equivalent of 'a songstory' word - Mistakes

Six days ago a proudly stated here about finding an equivalent of "a songstory" word in Russian language. Then I relaxed. But today I woke up with another candidate. You can kill me but I won't be able to remember what did I see there in my dream, but this new word has sat deep in my mind; on my way to work I was trying to remember all those arguments that stood pros for my first variant, and re-read that post of mine upon arrival to the office and now it seems to me that I have found at least three mistakes in my reflections.

1. Somehow I tied myself to "повество-" root that was suggested by the variant found on the Web. Yes, it seems more poetical, more melodious than "сказ-", but both words "повесть" and "рассказ" equally appear to be analogues of "a story".

2. Having once again thoroughly read the English original (as if I didn't do that before!) I understood that my approach of reading the word backwards has changed the essence. Songstory.... First song, then story. "song""story" is what should have been emphasized, and "story""song" is an adjective here. But I emphasized the process of singing, with just a shade of narrative applied. As a result I got "narrative singing", but it should be opposite: a narrative (story) that is being sung.

3. Finally, I suppose I was wrong in introducing the nature of a songstory as "the story finds its meaning (or starts living) when being sung". But we see the pictures as I read the lyrics, don't we?

To be short, I think I've had overphilosophized. I should not have changed anything, I should translate in a simple and easy way. For example:

a song - "песня"
a story - "рассказ", "история".
a songstory - a composite word, two roots used, the latter is the main one (story), the former just defines the nature (song-, as adjective).
"о" and "е" - two connective vowels in Russian. I am not yet sure whether I can successfully use "о", but if "е" is used.... "песн-е-сказ" is what we get.

But some worm is gnawing me: what if I wake up someday next week with another variant?

I need a judge to judge me. Judge would do it better....

On Translations - part 5

I wasn't clear saying that I am doing a "rhymed" translation of 'The Climber'. It should be mentioned here that The Climber is not rhymed in principle (being a songstory). I meant not that I am going to rhyme what has not been rhymed, but that I was going to bring the Russian translation phonetically and rhythmically as closer to the English original as possible. And this is another story.

One more addition to be done: 'a songstory' term was actually suggested by John Ellis. Judge substantiated that musical form and approved the suggested term, to actively use it further on.

P.S. This Judge Smith's essay has been translated into Russian. Probably tomorrow everything will be ready to be web-published....

Russian equivalent of 'a songstory' word

This post of mine is another bilingual one again due to the topic introduced. I found another equivalent in Russian language to express the meaning of 'a songstory' in one word.

The recently found "повествопесня" uses, as the English original does, two roots: "повесть" and "песня". However the latter refers to a single song. The word I chose - "пение" - stands for "singing", thus making my version slightly weaker. However if one goes through those words in reverse order, s/he can find that the term is described like "stories that are being sung", meaning that "the story finds its meaning" or "starts living" when being sung. Hence this would describe not the process but the nature of this piece of work.

Also, in Russian there is "повествование" word that means "narration", which supports the process of origination of this new word in the best way, I believe.

So, I propose another Russian analogue of the English 'a songstory' (invented by John Ellis): 'повествопение'.

You are most welcome to propose a better version! I will be happy if I find anybody else interested in this stuff.

Added 6 days later, on January 26, 2012:
IMPORTANT! The development of this topic is presented here.

On Translations - part 4

Status
My Climber is ready. After I finished my "final" run yesterday I shut the computer down immediately, leaving only one chance for the ultimate "dress-rehearsal" run. What has been done is another comment of medical nature added, some better options chosen, but nothing reworked. There were three pieces that took most of that run time, but eventually I get back to the initial readings. I marked those three places in the text for my own records, just to see if any side feedback arrives in that regards. Also, I found much more minor places than I did yesterday that do not "match" mathematically or rhythmically or phonetically (and marked them too for my own internal use), however I decided not to go on correcting them all. There is no need for that already. So I can say that the translation of "The Climber" by Judge Smith has been finalized today.


Orfeas
As for this piece of work, I think I will not be pursuing the same goal of providing rhymed translation. No need to tickle my own vanity. This can be done, I presume, but that will not be interesting for me already. "The Climber" demanded it, while "Orfeas" wants something new. In fact, what I tried to do in my Climber was already implemented in Judge's "Orfeas", at a higher level though. I adapted one language to another following the same rhythm and music; Judge adapted music to a human speech. He describes that process here, you should read it.As I wrote earlier - the draft is done, however based on my experience with "The Climber" I can make an estimate and say that this will require up to one week to present the ultimate version of my Orfeas. But before that...


Scheduled tasks
.... before that I need to write an Introduction to the translations of Judge Smith's lyrics, and to translate that wonderful essay by Judge on Songstories. Once I met a Russian interpretation of that word invented by Judge, but I will think twice before I reuse it. Who knows maybe I will be able to find something more attractive. As soon as I have both prepared they will be posted on hammill.ru. So, "Coming soon!"....

On Translations - part 3

Status
It turned out to be quite a busy day, so done nothing in this direction today. However, yesterday I succeeded in further polishing of my Climber (leaving only a dozen of out-of-sync syllables; in fact there were more before that), and also added more comments on the mentioned food and wines.

Questions
1. How to proceed? Should I take another look into my Climber or should I keep it aside and proceed with my Orfeas?
2. Do I want to present both translations together, or it would be better to post them in series? I think the latter option is the winner: let them arrive from time to time not bothering each other. Also, if I would want to post two of them together, then why not to post three?
3. So, I need to take a short rest before I am ready to post my Climber. He will climb first, and Orfeas will follow. But for how long can I postpone the launching date?

On Translations - part 2

Status of "The Climber"
The translation of "The Climber" is verified, a couple of minor (hopefully final) edits done and, I think, correct decision made: I am going to present the rhymed translation as my ultimate output. The lyrics is so deeply interconnects with the music that I think it deserves such a treatment. Those dozen of tiny fragments that simply need to be sung quickly, or stretched to due to different syllable count and differences in the rhythmic construction do not affect overall impression, and in general the whole piece can be read without singing as well (something like watching a movie without sound).

Orfeas
Yes, about to start the second round of going through Orfeas draft. While running through The Climber I noticed that my translation got improved by the moment I reached the end. Not to say that it was weak from the beginning, but that I caught the thread, and successfully followed it. Since Orfeas was my second output, I hope this will be felt even better here. By the way, only four comments have been added to The Climber, mostly the translations of minor occurrences of some words in Italian, and one on the North Italian Plain, for the name of which I had to apply minor rewording. Orfeas already has more than thirty....

Questions
No such at the moment. Now need to take a short break, and then make some noise to welcome the George Orfeas Band!

On Translations - part 1

Status
Both "The Climber" and "Orfeas" are translated (one week passed since then, in fact). In-line versions were done on one and in one and a half days, respectively. However, I felt that this is not enough and I can do more than go over them polishing and improving some rhymes. Having Judge's approval in hands, I decided not to get into rush and produce some decent translation made of words and phrases, but to put myself in them. So, what can be done here?

The Climber
The Climber is a beautiful piece of work, requiring not just to be understood, but to be sung. At my first attempt (at work!) I did the first "Choir" part - and I decided to prepare another translation of the whole piece. A rhymed one! I want it to be sung in as many languages as possible. That was quite a challenge for me: the meaning should be delivered, the rhyme to be preserved, and, if possible, phonetically both original and derived texts should match. Today I am happy to say that this task is done. I celebrated it with another cigarette and now need to replay it with the Russian lyrics to see how the whole piece goes. Who knows, maybe I will decide to delete that file immediately? :-)

Orfeas
Orfeas is different. This is a powerful piece of music.... no, I should say "of Music". It is all about Music and people. It is so very different in styles, in music, in lyrics, that I need to think out a correct way of working in to get the ultimate translation.

Questions
I am still in doubt about which one should be the ultimate translation for "The Climber". Do people need to sing it anytime they read it, I mean to keep music in mind, or it will be better to present a simple version in poem-like form for easier reading? Or should I present both? I think I need even more time/effort to find the answer....