Thursday, November 3, 2011

Nara's Birthday

Some abstract adolescent females have temporarily took me down a peg....

Sunday, October 23, 2011

A new day is like a new life

Such a life position was not new to me, however I once again reconceived it after learning that Steve Jobs “lived each day as if it was the last day in his life”. Maybe the yesterday earthquake, echoes of which reached my town, have strengthen that life position.

I was on the eleventh floor of our high-rise building in the high-land district of the city but hadn’t felt the first of the tremors. After we were warned by my grandfather we started feeling THAT becoming stronger and stronger. The angles of the chandeliers swinging were growing bigger, the floor was repeating the motion of the breathing earth, and then during the strongest of the shakes our walls began to creak. I can’t say now what exactly was creaking, maybe that was the wallpaper tearing apart, maybe plaster was cracking, or maybe armature reinforcement produced that creaking noise, maybe something else. The only thing I know is that I felt my blood has ran cold and I was paralyzed with inability to move anywhere, even more that I didn’t want to join the mob rushing down the shaft of stairs in panic. I found myself standing in the hall, my grandfather did not want to go outside and kept on sitting in the reception-room, while my mom and brother were begging him to leave the building. “Should everything end up in such a way!?”, I was thinking….

My grandfather was right in his belief in the reliable design of our building that stood the Spitak’s earthquake in 1988. However I was still feeling as if everything was moving around me in the next few hours. A Horror! Probably that will remain in my memory for quite a long time.

Thinking positively, I hope this incident will push me to not stand still, to go forward, to constantly create something and value the days I am given, understanding that each of them may be the last one.

Friday, August 26, 2011

A.H.: "I'm wondering what will happen with all this stuff after my death......?"

Hi A.,

Oh, this kind of thoughts constantly comes to my mind too.

What I am surely know is that we know the price of all this stuff, but we should not hope that other should. What comes after us.... it is only now when we think that way. Probably after our days come we will not even care about that. I don't know.

Each item in our collections tells us a story and has its own history, but for others they are nothing more but pieces of paper or plastic. In my opinion, an item does not possess any value or significance if it is not owned by anybody. Of course, things like pictures and statues in museums, memorials, movies, music, etc. are sometimes "invaluable", and they become the property of humanity at some point. But our collections will require to be owned by somebody. It is that we want our collections to remain as they are, however perishable they are and we can do nothing about that....

But should we? This is the moment when another (helping) thought comes to my mind: survival is in living this moment (as if there is no future). The Universe will take care of the rest. Instead, I started getting rid of the things that I do not actually need: tapes, CDs, DVDs, books, furniture, clothes - everything should be filtered, and you know, it becomes some kind easier "to breath" so to say, when you take out another needless item from your house. It is like being honest to yourself.

Yes, it is very sad to see how precious collections are being sold through eBay-like facilities, however people do it. Many times they say "cleaning up my space", "lightening my home up", "I don't need them any longer", or just sell everything like Fred T. did recently. Even more it is sad when you know that this comes from a collection of someone who passed away. However, if we look back and think a little about people like Jamie we would see only happiness in their eyes. Great Big Man he was, and he Is. Didn't he know that he is going to die someday? Of course he did, but he didn't care. He was turning each new day into a special day, and enjoyed it. If only all people could do that!

We can do that, can't we? :-)

Indeed, this is the life and we've only time to be alive right now!

Tuesday, August 23, 2011

Goal Lost

Life.... Do we get happiness through suffering, peace through fuss, freedom through depression?

Sometimes I think we live our football
where all is decided with just one golden goal:
if it is you who scored it - you're forever winner,
and if you loose - no place for you to dwell.

The mistakes of the past burn into our soul that is, being a part of the Universal Soul, to keep those memories forever. How can one forget what has been done in the past? How to feel yourself forgiven? To be forgiven for me means to forget the past, or at least to leave it behind. But can I forget THAT what I will remember all through my life and for what I daily pay my debts? I come to a conclusion that I am not yet able to do that. The only way of "forgetting my past" I can imagine - to rebirth into an impudent, unpunished, shameless, selfish egoist who says "I did that, but it is in the past already. Onwards!" Who should win if a man does not admit his guilt? The Universal Soul will be remembering that forever! It will punish. It will be punishing constantly. And It is already punishing....

As life goes by my life should flow much easier,
but somehow options to live diminish gradually.
A tiny bit and there will be just one left:
"In spoons position when all lights are off, and in nuptial bed".

Hence, my version of life is a fussy passage of a depressed person through the suffering.... but where should I come to following that way? Who will open the door when my path ends? I have no fear, but resentment. First of all, for my life, for how I took it, how did I understand it, how spent, and what did I do to it. But who cares?

Thursday, August 4, 2011

I've just done the best work....

This is probably a pointless post here because it is in Russian, but to be in synch with the Russian-language blog let it be here anyway.
-----

It has been more than four months already since I've made these translations. Let them be posted....

*****

Пожалуй в этих щупалец витки,
им суждено тебя освободить
от мук и тяжкого труда.

И говорит она:
«Что видишь ты есть то, что от меня ты получаешь».

Войди же в ее мир,
его ты не покинешь,
такая явная, прозрачная она.

И говорит она:
«Что видишь ты есть то, что от меня ты получаешь».


*****

Я сделал лучшее из всего того,
что выпадало мне за эти годы;
ночами жег я много масла
дабы возвысить вкупе стиль и содержание.
И вот представил я свой результат
вниманию публики,
сам же предвкушая
заслуженного восхваления момент.

Однако в то же время, как ни странно,
состряпал панегирик повседневный,
поденщину, халтуру, как набросок,
напичканный скучной хвалой и грустными клише....
Никто не может обнаружить
минуту истощения руки.
И я даже не знаю
как жизнь моя идет,
ценна ли она хоть на йоту.

Не ведомо мне своего теченья направление.

Все что считал я совершенным,
все в чем я видел безупречный свет,
воспринималось просто бесполезным,
и убедительным казался их ответ.
А то, что мне казалось бестолковым
повтором бледным, копировкой – вдруг
мне сердца струны дергать начинало,
и слезы выбивал его же стук.

Не ведомо мне своего теченья направление.

Никто не может знать
что лучшее он в жизни совершил.

Photographs from Yalta

Actually, there is no photograph here at all. The thing is that my workmate has just returned from another summer vacation, again from Yalta, so he is walking here and there depressed. We were joking, as usual, saying isn't there any other place in the world where you can spend your vacation? Hearing that he has demonstrated a couple of photographs of ordinary female citizens of Yalta, who he was happy to spend those past  three weeks....

It seems that he is actually right with his choice....

Friday, July 29, 2011

To be analyzed by psychologists


Yesterday I formulated in my own way that current social state in which, in my distorted opinion, my hometown lives today.
I had to go out of office slightly earlier in order to grab a package from my post office before they’re closed. I usually take a walk and do from work to home in 35-40 minutes depending on the number of accidental meetings with friends. I didn’t meet anybody that day, but I’d better had stayed at work and take that package next day. Today it has been proved that the satiation wouldn’t have changed.
After leaving the office I turned the corner and took direction to home…. Either their number highly increased yesterday, or somebody announced that heat improves overall health condition, or I didn’t look at them earlier (no, not in my case!), or something else had happened, but the city was filled with women as it hasn’t ever been before! Young, advanced in years, touch-me-nots, plebeians, bombs, candies, tourists, business ladies – all of them went over men in their cars, whispered at their girlfriends’ ears something having bended over their tables and exposing their busts, revealed their bodies to the Sun rays, abused the known properties of their minis by crossing their legs under the open tables in cafés, wore their either most transparent black dresses, allowing their black panties to outline their buttocks and hips, or longest dresses, that close their bronze skin from sights from all sides, thus becoming their skin and even more outlining all those charming lines and forms, and everybody’s eyes were sparkling!
Today I had to go out during break and go to one shop at my friend’s request to ask about the price for some special cigarettes. There and back again took some twenty minutes, but that was enough to once again make myself sure: my small, unprepossessing, muddle-headed and always feeling itself shy of everything city, my Yerevan has turned into a big WOMAN.

Like all other women here, it will be both inaccessible and easily buy-able at the same time.

Monday, June 27, 2011

Music and movies

In addition to the previous post:

Music: two Russian performers - Nastya Poleva (I respect her) and Picnic (respect them, however IMHO they stopped developing some time in the past); David Rhodes (I drastically do respect him!).

Movies: oh how could I missed such a category "Tinto Brass" last time?!

Saturday, June 25, 2011

Movies, music, books....

Interesting to note that this blog offers special fields for expanding the data filled into "Interests", i.e. name favourite books, movies, music, etc. Just in case, here are some brief notes on what I entered there.

So, my favourite movies:
"Kill Bill", "The Good the Bad and the Ugly", Pixar Studio's movies, "Eyes Wide Open".
Those were first titles that came to my mind. There are looots of good movies, but these somehow won. But I am in charge for my choice!

Music - oh that's a simple one:
Peter Hammill, Van Der Graaf Generator, Judge Smith.
Here (in my homeland) I am mostly misunderstood for that, but there's nothing I can do - this is mine!

Books:
Paulo Coelho's books, The Hobbit, The Lord of the Rings
I am a very slow reader, and do not read very often, I read what I like and what brings me joy.

Friday, June 24, 2011

My first step

Two parallel blogs have been started by me today. Both will be showing the same content so far, but in different languages. The first one is in Russian, and this second one will be in English. Let's see which one proves to be mine.

I am new to this Blogging world, I hope to find something here.

Like a child, I am making my first step forward....