Who’s next?

Greg Lake passed away on Wednesday, the 7th of December, 2016. Leonard Cohen left this world exactly one month before that. Someone from those who are still with us, who is still walking upon this earth and enjoying its benefits, is already destined to be the next. Who is going to be the one?

Whoever he or she will turn out to be, we will grieve when we hear about it, and remember all the things that s/he did for us: music, movies, books, pictures, sayings – they did that all for us and we all remained with all these. They did what they had to and left us. But just look, just think about how are these "nerds" are important for all of us! What would we do without them, dammit!

There was a time when our planet, wartime wounds bleeding and handmade ulcers boiling, was lit by a ray of Universal Grace, and babies started to appear on its surface. They were destined to grow, and to make many millions of people think; they were chosen to bear the happiness and joy into those peoples’ hearts, and to show to the future generations which are yet to stand the hardest life tests not yet seen tests, that life is still beautiful, and something valuable is still going on here.

It is because of those then-newborn-babies we will say after a few decades: "How lucky we are that we were not been born two centuries earlier", or "what will our children's children see in their time?". But let’s not please our vanity thinking that we are luckier than others. Believe me, someone in his time was reading a new novel by Dostoyevsky called “The Idiot” for the first time and was equally happy to feel involved in this era; other was talking to Shakespeare, and another shook Bach’s hand – both then obviously pondered long on this subject and did not immediately feel the greatness of the moment. Someone will happen to dwell in the midst of what we can only dream of today, and they will be happy in their own way....

But, losing our heroes today, can we be sure that a worthy replacement is on its way? A lot of young and talented individuals appear in the fields of arts, cinema and literature, but in the music, I personally do not see anything that would be able to make at least a quarter of the qualitative changes that occurred in the second half of the last century. Old people continue doing what they came into this world for. After completing their mission, they line up in front of the Exit, waiting for their names to be called.

We cannot blame the number 2016 for the fact that it is greater than any integer in the range of 1940 to 1950 by more than 60 or 70, sometimes even more. Bare arithmetic, you know. Biology is also not guilty in the fact that the organisms are subject to its laws. And a high level of Western life does not make some sort of wrongdoing. Everything is subject to some definite laws. We just feel too sorry about the fact that our Pushkins and Shakespeares, our Cervanteses and Mozarts departure and we have to learn about it and to count more and more frequently appearing sad note with the chilling lettering – «R.I.P.». But all these great people are great because of their works. Their main mission – to bring happiness and joy to the people –considered accomplished at some point. By whom? Probably, by those who assigned that mission to them. When the mission is accomplished, they leave us. Someone having already passed the 70th mark, others well below their 30’s, but they all did something to us, something we will be thankful for until the very moment when our names will be called light up in the queue waiting at the “Exit” gate. Who knows, maybe even after that moment the music of David Bowie, George Martin, Keith Emerson and his bandmate Greg Lake will be accompanying us?

Therefore, let the meaning of the question "Who is next?" be changed in the way the meaning of the title of Greg Lake's "C'est La Vie" song has today. Suppose that it means “who’s next to come to Earth with a mission to make the world a better place?”.

One more life lost, one more soul saved

One more life was lost yesterday. Of course, much more lives stopped their flows on that day, thousands of them, maybe even more, but now I'm talking about that special life.
As it often happens, a car hit a Dog, and the one who was driving did not consider himself being a part of the Universe. He left, leaving the animal lying on the road. I popped up in this story on Saturday, so when I finally got to the location on the taxi driven by another Driver, ten-times replacing that first driver, missing from the Universe, we found three normal dogs in good shape and health. They were running away from me, although for some reason preferring to stay nearby. Apparently, the injured animal was part of their little pack, because we found her on the opposite side of the road. It was found out that the animal had been suffering for two days already. This is what we were told by the neighbors leaning out the window when they heard the dog crying while making an attempt to escape from me and to hide under a car. The neighbors were shouting at us and told us not to touch her, so I had to say that we're going to take her to the vet. They understood and nodded sympathetically, and shut their windows. They had been there for two days "guarding" the animal rather to provide the urgently required help!
The sight was quite painful: two legs seemed to be broken, one back and one front. Any attempt to get up and to run away accompanied by hitting the bleeding jaws on the asphalt - Dog could not hold herself up.
Calling the Vet, saying the Dog does not allow to approach her. He says that it is necessary to catch the Dog and bring her to his place. Calling the Coordinator. There is someone one who could do it. "Who is he?" "The one who does this professionally...."
Do I have to deal with the one I have been despising all my life, and not only knowing of what he and others like him do, but even mentioning of their profession made me boil in a rage?
And then, a sequence of events resulted in that I had to leave the scene and go back home, preparing myself for the upcoming morning operation of capturing and transportation of the animal to the Vet.
When crossing one of the streets, a Woman in the crowd walked toward me; she looked me in the eye and, despite my dark look and untidy appearance, she smiled. It made me stop in the middle of the road, and after a couple of seconds I turned around to catch up with her and thank for that smile. She smiled again and said, "Believe me, everything will be fine."
As it turned out after a few minutes, at this very moment, the Man who makes his living by officially killing animals (but who has been assisting the animal protectors for two and a half months already), and with whom I was to meet the next morning, having learned from the Coordinator of the incident was already riding on his own will to that place to check everything himself. I had to explain him the place where the dog was, and so another number was added to my address book under the heart-chilling "name". At the first "look", the Man seemed to be far from being clever, and miles away from the high ideals, which I was not surprised at. But the Coordinator and I were both surprised by the fact that he was there on his own: after finishing his working day, in his own car he decided to go there. When he found the dog, he took a “professional look” on the situation, and concluded that it was very serious: front paw along with the shoulder bone was separated from the skeleton, and was dangling just on the skin. "Such cases do not live," he said, and added that we probably should be ready to accept that the Vet should be required to do euthanasia. And he was very sorry for her, the sound of her screaming hurt him, he gave her some bread and water, and also, as I understood, he pulled her out from under the car and put it on the sidewalk.
We agreed on how to act in the morning. After that I coordinated our actions with that same Driver, outlined the plans with the Coordinator, and, exhausted, went to bed. I slept for two or three hours, and after that I was in a fog of names, visions, phone calls and new names.
However, the Dog was not there when I got to the place next morning. Having analyzed the situation, I suggested that she passed away in her sleep, and scavengers removed the body during their morning shift. The place was clean, the pack was not there, and the animal could not leave the place and move far away. At the appointed time, I called the Driver first, and then the Man.... He suspected that this story will end like this, but he hoped that a miracle would happen….
But I know that the miracle happened! It happened when he decided to go, when he risked of being stopped by police and fined for talking on the phone while driving, when he was searching for her, and when he hurt for her crying when he found her, when he gave her some bread and water, and when he accepted from me the news with regret. And this series of miracles began with a smile of that Woman and her reassurance that “everything will be fine.” It was as if the Universe itself told me about it through her.
But the next day, it became clear that someone had moved the dog on the handcart for a few hundred meters closer. Some woman heard her screaming; she has a dog, and she was willing to cover some expenses. Strange, but I did not notice the Dog, and that she hadn’t whined when I was passing by the place twice. Probably, the Universe did not want to burden me with more responsibility, as well as it did not want me to meet with the Man face to face.
The next day I heard about the Dog was no longer alive.
The life of one dog was lost. This happens every day, all over the planet. But if we consider this event from the other side, we can see that a lot of good has happened in this regard. And if today we were not able to do something, maybe tomorrow we will. I believe that nothing in this story is accidental. Yes, everything happened because of some idiot who brought this dog down, but maybe this case will help to prevent many others.

Each day leaves its traces on me – on my shoulders, on my skin, in my brain.... Every day, life becomes more and more difficult. Sometimes it becomes simply intolerable. And I have said many times that I'm ready (even want) my life to over, but.... each time after it seemed so unbearable something good happens. At such moments you want to hug someone, because I start feeling to some kind of a universal Love. Mother Earth shows herself, she does not yet want to take me to her, she nourishes and invigorates me. And I'm starting to feel my unity with her, who has been suffering millions times more than I’ve been, for many thousands of years in succession.

Into the West, smiles on our faces, we'll go....

"...the great Nic Mozart passed away in hospital last night. Deeply, deeply missed."

pH@SS, 17.01.2013

No more VdGG pure bass players left. All went West...

To live in spite of.....

Darkness fetters us around. We are surrounded. What should have happened has happened. The near end does not amaze us at all. The days of Mother-Earth are numbered. Her noble Warriors fall either together or divided, and though she knows what should happen and how, when and where, she cannot share that knowledge with us. Thus, being in ignorance, we are moving towards Fatum, blindly. That is all, one might think....

But having all this in the background, each of us still has the right to have the last wish. What will it be like? Do we know what we want and what we need?

"No."

Do we feel what wee need?

"Yes." (however we mostly do not trust in that feeling).

What to do?

One option is: to stretch in bed after a restless sleep, to come to work, to stir the system up to hell, to arrange individual parts in the system, to be in two calls simultaneously, to enjoy a cup of coffee, to state authoritatively your understanding of the Future (let the people amuse), to eat, to intercommunicate through music, to make music through beer, to make a discovery, to decide for frenzy, to have more beer, to enjoy the future, to catch the stranger's look, to look at somebody with a stranger look, to sing an unfamiliar song and dance to a familiar one, to tell a story, to come down with money completely, to give yourself to Earth, to subdue the anger, to bow to the beloved one, to put yourself at the mercy of Eternity and to hope for a new day.

Mind out! one whole day postponement....

Feeling sick

I still feel sick....
Even though I got out of yesterday, washed it off me when I got home, I nevertheless still feel sick .... No, this is not a sickness that happened this morning during our khash (oh how would I eat everything I was not able to in the morning!), and not that hysterical state of turning over the edge of the eleven-floor abyss once again, and not even the lack of the annoyance from the absence of the premise that I've been waiting for almost a month and for some reason still hasn't received. All these are such a minor things. I'm sick of the feeling that comes to me while being all alone in the middle of a place full of fun. Nobody can help me cope with this. One friend offered to take a ride on his horses, but I always fall off the horse, not having yet sit in the saddle. Another explained to me why this is happening and what to do for this, namely, not to dress in a special jockey clothes, not to use any accessories (saddle, bridle, reins, whip), and tell myself that I'm the best rider.
However, up does not come to the horses, because for them I do not exist. They do not see me, and they do not need me. After all, if there are millions of normal, healthy, wealthy, romantic, I would say, and just successful riders all around, why should they need this troubled old bald bastard? He does not exist!
Then that second friend left, and I gradually began to feel sick and still I do to this moment (after all, this is entirely my fault). Guys, what a disgusting yesterday I had! Well, evening, to be honest, but that evening was able to make mischief the day as a whole, so that I still feel sick ....
At the moment, I want nothing, because nobody needs my energy at all. No-bo-dy. Probably one of the torments of hell is non-utility. And if I'm already sick of relatively rather short period of time in this state, what will happen on the scale of eternity?

On Disasters and Catastrophes (Helpless tears are falling....)

I've heard about another disaster happened yesterday. Here, for example, one of the multiple articles found on the web.

The "rarest animal alive today", according to the Guinness Book of World Records, has been found dead. The conservation icon named Lonesome George passed away on Sunday of unknown causes, according to the Galapagos National Park.

­
He was thought to be about 100 years old, which is not a venerable age as far as tortoises are concerned.

"Sunday morning the park ranger in charge of looking after the tortoises found Lonesome George; his body was motionless," the head of the Galapagos National Park, Edwin Naula, told Reuters. "His life cycle came to an end."

Lonesome George weighed 88 kilograms and touted a 102 cm long shell. He was the last member of a species of giant tortoise from La Pinta – one of the smallest islands in the north of the Galapagos archipelago. Now the Pinta Island tortoise subspecies is officially extinct.

The Galapagos National park plans to carry out an autopsy to determine what may have killed the tortoise.

Up until 1971, the last reported sighting of a giant tortoise on Pinta Island had been in 1906. In 1971 a scientist studying snails on Pinta Island saw a solitary tortoise in the distance. However, it was not until 1972 that National Park wardens found Lonesome George on the island. From that point on he became a symbol of Ecuador's Galapagos Islands, which attracted some 180,000 visitors last year.

The tortoise was called "Lonesome George", a name that derived from being the only surviving specimen of his species, and "George," after the US actor George Goebel, who called himself "Lonesome George" in a TV program.

Many years later, Lonesome George was placed in a corral with female tortoises from Wolf Volcano on Isabela Island. The idea was that by placing these animals together, Lonesome George would pass along at least some of his genes into future generations. Despite laying eggs twice, they were all infertile.

Since then, zoos around the world have been offered a reward of $10,000 dollars for a Pinta Island tortoise female, but the reward has not been claimed.

The Galapagos National Park is now considering embalming George's body so that it can be displayed in the park.


Also, I learned today that rived dolphins existed some time ago....

The frames that add to my world - 3

In the death of mere Humans Life shall start!

Timeless

On the pages of the Book of Revelation we are promised another life, a better one and incomparable with what we currently carry on with. It's hard to believe sometimes, I understand. That's why I post here this video clip from a film by Terrence Malick "The Tree of Life". This is the Formation Scene. Music composed by Zbigniew Preisner.

Having seen this part for the first time I was frightened with the scenes, and captured with the voice and the music in the background. All of the subsequent views of this part of the movie carried me away, to unachievable far distance, in the centre of the Universe, and when I, breathless and cold, see those Horsehead and Crab Nebulae, when I feel roaring sea waves unseen in the black of the sunless Void, when I confirm my insignificance in the face of the Eternity and when I want to cryyyyy out as I just try to imagine my Home, my Mother Earth lost in those pictures of the Universe, and when those pictures roll on with the divine background - either harmonic sounds of nature or a human-created eternal music - I BELIEVE that a better life can be gained. If only knew my soul will be taken there afterwards....

But I won't be able to stay there eternally. Those visions are unbearable expressions of LOVE. Who would dare to see THIS forever?

Only tears in my eyes....

On Disasters and Catastrophes (no more tears left)

Yesterday such a phrase from some of the TV-series reached my ears: "You are guilty of committing a crime against humanity...."

However I haven't yet heard another phrase: "Humanity is guilty of committing a crime against Life (Planet, Nature, Being, Mother-Earth - whichever one likes the most)". Why is everything so unfair?! Although it is said "those who endure to the end shall be saved", and also "this world still exists because of them" (I already wrote on this on the Journal pages). So it turns out that Mother-Earth will suffer all the pain and humiliation, until the last human deserving it stops walking upon it, won't She? Is that right?

Watching Animal Planet, Viasat Nature, where sweet voices tell stories about people who look after this or that species, or how they save this or that animal from violent treatment. "Fortunately, everything turned out all right...." - such words sum up those "positive" plots. But in fact the topic is about how the remnants of worthy people on Mother-Earth are trying to postpone the end of some animal species as far as possible, as their home territory reduces more and more, their lives getting shorter, and their looks getting more tragic. Our Mother-Earth is being deforested, waters polluted, and animals extinct....

And still.... this humanity dares to complain about anything?!

I heard a song today, oh boy....

The song is beautiful and the video seemed to me the best among the other choices....Their music resides inside of us irrespective of our attitude towards them.

On Disasters and Catastrophes (crying out tears)

Oh how many good and interesting people there are all around me, how much of goodness and kindness there is in this world. They say, this world is better than we feel it is....

This night I was browsing YouTube, watching Pixar-related videos, and somehow, just accidentally, I reached a page with different videos about hunting and hunters.... and then once again I praised all those disasters, diseases, catastrophes, wars, and most of all - Natural Rages that annihilate and turn into nothing all that biological rubbish called Human Being. The Earth tries to clear Herself from that multibillion filth, She groans and gasps for breath. Most likely She will prevail sooner or later: a Human Being does not deserve walking upon Her.

They also sometimes say regarding good people that "this world still exists because of them", which means that "if this world still exists then somebody deserves it still".

    Cry those tears, then dry those tired eyes:
    every breath you take keeps you alive.

    Butterflies as we are
    freeze in flight beneath the starry sky
    but the ghosts fly on and on...
    in this sense we all belong,
     oh, Gaia!            

     And the sum of all the parts
     is the all-forgiving heart
     of Gaia.            

    Oh, Gaia!   
    (Peter Hammill, "Gaia", 1992)

Mother-Earth, you have all rights to not forgive us for what we do to You!

Life Milestones

Are there any absolute, common for all age milestones on our life timeline? I think many people reflect in that direction. I fell there is something of that kind, and that I have passed two of those milestones.

The First Milestone.... Although probably our first milestone was someplace there, at a very young age, but we do not realise that consciously, and infants do not need that vanity at all. OK, my first milestone is 21. When I turned 21 I felt some incredible lift-up. I thought I could do everything I would want, any kind of undertaking. I found my future wife in that age and introduced my girlfriend to my family (believe me, all of those who knew me by that time were in shock). Over the years, growing older and meeting failures I started thinking that one can achieved nothing in his life at all, if started later than when he is 21.

The Second Milestone - 40. It has been more that 6 months since I celebrated my 40th birthday, so here is what I happened to collect of what I feel.
- desire to live in an absolutely white (walls) room, with minimum of items around (a computer table with a wheeled armchair, a TV set, audio/video players, obligatory shelves for my discs), no curtains, no pictures, no chandeliers....
- my teeth somehow began causing me troubles
- I want to get rid of useless items, and have sold several discs and "The Beatles - Anthology" book already
- I get so tired quite soon
- either the lack of practice (I don't remember already when it was that I went out of our home in the evening) or anything different, but I experience problems while singing (I start feeling discomfort in my nasopharynx)
- after I come home from walking anywhere other than "to work and back" I feel very tired
- when I am sleepy (both at home and at work) I put everything aside and sleep
- my old fears became my advisers
- many of what I accepted earlier is being criticized now
- the feeling of lifelongness of punishment for my life failures much amplified, it now does not imply any hope to get some feeling of forgiveness in this life, and after - it does not troubles me somehow (there should be something that I already lost due to my failures)
- if nothing has been created by me over a day, I can feel it dying in my hands
- I decided to start blogging

There should be something more, but I do not remember now. I do not force anything to stay in my head if I do not need that.

What next?

P.S. Here is another interest: could it be that when we were infants we were shown some key images from our future, remembered them at subconscious level, and now, when we follow our life paths and check with those milestones by means of deja-vu phenomenon, we wonder "this already happened in the past!"?

Added on April 28, 2012.

Meanwhile, I keep on remembering some details.
- my already-not-such-high speed of playing strategic games became even worse
- I no longer love bright sunlight and hot days
- success and achievements in different areas do not bring me joy, but fade when Sun goes down

Full circle is about to close, and it becomes so hard living endearment-less....

A new day is like a new life

Such a life position was not new to me, however I once again reconceived it after learning that Steve Jobs “lived each day as if it was the last day in his life”. Maybe the yesterday earthquake, echoes of which reached my town, have strengthen that life position.

I was on the eleventh floor of our high-rise building in the high-land district of the city but hadn’t felt the first of the tremors. After we were warned by my grandfather we started feeling THAT becoming stronger and stronger. The angles of the chandeliers swinging were growing bigger, the floor was repeating the motion of the breathing earth, and then during the strongest of the shakes our walls began to creak. I can’t say now what exactly was creaking, maybe that was the wallpaper tearing apart, maybe plaster was cracking, or maybe armature reinforcement produced that creaking noise, maybe something else. The only thing I know is that I felt my blood has ran cold and I was paralyzed with inability to move anywhere, even more that I didn’t want to join the mob rushing down the shaft of stairs in panic. I found myself standing in the hall, my grandfather did not want to go outside and kept on sitting in the reception-room, while my mom and brother were begging him to leave the building. “Should everything end up in such a way!?”, I was thinking….

My grandfather was right in his belief in the reliable design of our building that stood the Spitak’s earthquake in 1988. However I was still feeling as if everything was moving around me in the next few hours. A Horror! Probably that will remain in my memory for quite a long time.

Thinking positively, I hope this incident will push me to not stand still, to go forward, to constantly create something and value the days I am given, understanding that each of them may be the last one.

A.H.: "I'm wondering what will happen with all this stuff after my death......?"

Hi A.,

Oh, this kind of thoughts constantly comes to my mind too.

What I am surely know is that we know the price of all this stuff, but we should not hope that other should. What comes after us.... it is only now when we think that way. Probably after our days come we will not even care about that. I don't know.

Each item in our collections tells us a story and has its own history, but for others they are nothing more but pieces of paper or plastic. In my opinion, an item does not possess any value or significance if it is not owned by anybody. Of course, things like pictures and statues in museums, memorials, movies, music, etc. are sometimes "invaluable", and they become the property of humanity at some point. But our collections will require to be owned by somebody. It is that we want our collections to remain as they are, however perishable they are and we can do nothing about that....

But should we? This is the moment when another (helping) thought comes to my mind: survival is in living this moment (as if there is no future). The Universe will take care of the rest. Instead, I started getting rid of the things that I do not actually need: tapes, CDs, DVDs, books, furniture, clothes - everything should be filtered, and you know, it becomes some kind easier "to breath" so to say, when you take out another needless item from your house. It is like being honest to yourself.

Yes, it is very sad to see how precious collections are being sold through eBay-like facilities, however people do it. Many times they say "cleaning up my space", "lightening my home up", "I don't need them any longer", or just sell everything like Fred T. did recently. Even more it is sad when you know that this comes from a collection of someone who passed away. However, if we look back and think a little about people like Jamie we would see only happiness in their eyes. Great Big Man he was, and he Is. Didn't he know that he is going to die someday? Of course he did, but he didn't care. He was turning each new day into a special day, and enjoyed it. If only all people could do that!

We can do that, can't we? :-)

Indeed, this is the life and we've only time to be alive right now!