On Talents and Suicide

Along with celebrating my brother's birthday today, I will be remembering another event that happened on this day, October 9, back in 1992 - my first (big) live concert on the stage of the Big Hall of Yerevan (then) Polytechnic Institute (now State Engineering University of Armenia).

I was the bass-guitarist of “The Breeze” band then. The new and expanded line-up had been existing for two months already, and was ready to hit the stage by the beginning of October. Since clubbing life was at its embryonic stage, all our groups were aiming for one big concert, after which they normally went into euphoria. Not all of them thought about the need to go forward: some of them didn’t even make their second gig, but some did though, heading to another gig, and even moved to the recording studio.

I remember the first song, which actually lasted some four minutes, seemed endless to me! However, quite soon we got into the right way and we “made that night”. The gig went absolutely fantastic for those days, at the end of which our full line-up (9 musicians!) went on stage to perform Kiddy Jones (five "electric" musicians + string quartet). It is important to mention that our line-up was changing constantly on the stage. We presented electric quartet (with our drummer on vocals), electric quintet (with our lead vocalist), electro-acoustic quartet, a guitar solo-composition played on 12-string guitar and sung by Arsen, string quartet + 12-string guitar, string quartet + electric quintet, and ended up with a song, sung in three voices accompanied by grand piano/bass/drums trio. And we were called out for an encore!

What happened after we played Kiddy Jones song – oh, it worth that all! I still can see in front of my eyes that overcrowded hall through the stage with all of us standing still with shivers running down our spines. They were all applauding and cheering us up, asking for more. I even got a present from an unknown girl – a book that is still with me. And it went in harmony with all that happened on stage and in our hearts in those days. We were then writing our own music, improving ourselves, we had our dreams.

But then, reality started telling its rules, so many of our good musicians ended their musical lives up through suicide. It became difficult to create something, unfashionable, unprofitable... Ah, creating! It always means “giving”, doesn’t it? But the musicians already started to want to get. So, having some bargain with our Dream, we decided to continue our creative union in a new, commercial way. And he wave reached some success, however the overall spirit of our work was already different. But, as for many other Talents, we missed something to bring this work to its end.

Arsen, who is the author of most of the songs, continued his relations with music, however today his talent is being wasted, in my personal opinion, on “things” like this.

I find it hard to call this music, hence the “thing” word is used. No-no, I do not contest the genius of this McCartney composition in any way... But this is McCartney, and it could have been Adonts instead! Without any doubts, he can sing and play, and for sure, he does it quite well, but... we have probably lost a lot of good songs during the past years, for he could “pick them out of thin air” and bring them into this world.

Soon I will be telling the world about my activity I have been occupied with for almost two years. It correlates very well with all I’ve wrote here today, and I hope I am not doing this in vain. I was also granted with something, something I do now want to kill in myself. And I want to be sure that the Universe that maintains the balance of all things, will not let Arsen’s Talent fall into Oblivion...

Eh, probably some other guy or girl on this planet was already granted with the same talent and s/he will soon make our lives brighter with a new Song.

P.S. By the way, here is an example of the songs Arsen was able to write that I was talking about:

Tribute: Introduction

While working on the project mentioned earlier on the pages of my Journal, I wanted to know about the origins of the word "tribute", used so frequently today.

According to the page on Wikipedia, the word "tributum" (Latin. Tributum) was originally used to designate a special levy in ancient Rome, which the properties of citizens and provincial lands (as part of the public property (ager publicus)) were subject to. Most of these charges were used for military purposes, and if, during the next war, the enemies were defeated, they had to cover all the military expenses, out of which citizens received their tributum back. Subsequently, the very essence of tributum and meaning of the word itself changed, but this is not the topic of our conversation today.

So what is a "tribute" in terms of music? “This is when musicians gather together and record their own versions of songs of some artist, which are then published in the form of a music album", many would reply.

The longer we live, the older and "more classic" becomes the music on which many generations grew up and new musicians were brought upon; it dissolves in our minds and nature, becoming an integral part of ours, blurring the lines between the present and the past. Music written many years ago is being played and replayed over and over again, sometimes by surprising line-ups and in unique arrangements, and it is not surprising that the works of Mozart or Liszt can be played during the same concert, by the same team on the same scene as those of Lennon or Blackmore. Young musicians want to play classics, and it's good!

However, if there is "good", it is always possible to find something "bad" hanging around. To anticipate the question "what is wrong with us playing the classics?" I would like to say: not moving forward. In a way, the word "classic" goes side by side with the word "past", so how can one go forward when he is constantly dwelling on the past? Even if the reader hasn’t yet formed this question in mind, I would say, "Yes, we must go forward!" "What about you? Are you going forward?", you may ask me. "Time will show, but for now I need to pay my tributum, which, in the event of a successful battle, will get back to me."

The idea of the tribute project, which is now in its sixth month of pregnancy (the duration of which has a chance to coincide with that of human) was born during another attempt to direct strengths and creative abilities of the members of one of the social network groups in order to repeat what was done in mid-90s, with the difference that this project will be implemented solely by the participants of one group, and the only basis for their work is to be their enthusiasm. No promises, no obligations, no expectations of any commercial benefits (it is supposed that the result will be available for free download). It will be a Labour of Love[1], a tribute, and a gift for.... for birthday, maybe, or it could be for Christmas. We'll see.

The readers of my Journal already know what artist I am talking about, especially since I participate in this tribute project myself (oh, what a narrow-minded person I am!). From the very start of this work I already knew who the person I had to ask for help was. I needed an experiences musician, with decent musical luggage and specific musical flair. Moreover, it was necessary for him/her to know what the studio work is about. Finally, s/he had to be able to play drums. From this perspective, it would not be surprising to meet me sitting on the bench in front of the State Philharmonic Hall together with Ashot Korganyan.

Having spent two hours of that spring evening in discussion, we parted. Shortly after, the idea of involvement of another musician established. It was due to the violin in the song proposed by Ashot. At first, I was skeptical about this idea, because it seemed impossible to me. However, Ashot insisted, so we gathered together for one single rehearsal on one day in May. One hour passed by almost instantly, but it was enough for me to confidently say "Yes!" My question "and what about violin?" received Ashot’s calm reply: "Rima can listen to the songs and prepare the music sheets ". That is how Rima Mirzoyan appeared in our part of the project. 

Soon, the list of the songs to be recorded in the studio was formed. It took several weeks to reduce the number of candidates from a dozen to four. I have to say that for the tribute only one song (maximum - two songs) was required. Initially, we had just a few performers to go with the project, so it would be wise to have one reserve track to be able to provide a full-length album in terms of duration. Today, the number of possible performers increased to sixteen, and there is the prospect of a "double" album (and maybe the Volume Two of the project). However, I have already been nurturing a new idea, the implementation of which is necessary for me to make one step forward: to make my own tribute album.

How can you recreate what has already been created, and created brilliantly? The task is very difficult, but at the same time it is quite interesting. As it was mentioned above, recording a tribute is not a big surprise at all nowadays. Tribute songs and entire albums are being regularly devoted to many significant groups. They are all different, just like are the approaches used for their creation. Let’s consider some of them in the list below, which does not claim to be complete in any way.

1. Just to replay a song, to play it "as is" is one of the approaches. It is less attractive to me, for it lacks the aspect of creation. However, it clearly demonstrates the skills and abilities to recreate what was heard. It's like a qualification in sports.
2. To play a song in your own way, or to play it "as is" with addition of something different, something special, listening to what will make people say "your version" of this or that song.
3. To absorb a song so deeply that you start playing something that is not in the original. "Sorry, I can do nothing about it, I just hear it that way", the artist would justify himself in this case.
4. Change the song so that the listener is shocked and does not accept your performance at all.

Of course, other approaches are possible, but you always have to leave the essence of the song, something that is important and which does not contradict with the spirit of the original, so to speak.

I have listened to only two performers from the whole list so far. They turned out to be so good that now I am dying to listen to the rest. However, it will require some time to make the project alive, and, in my turn, I need to spend this time wisely. One of the activities I am going to dedicate this period of time to is understanding the concept of my personal tribute album, which was mentioned above. 

What does it going to contain and how do I see the process of its creation? Of course, it will include all the songs already recorded in the period of preparation for my portion of the team tribute project. A few more songs will be added as well. Which songs exactly will be recorded is yet unknown even to me, although there are obvious candidates. Such choice became apparent because the essence of the choice is clear to me, and the choice is well-grounded. The process of creation, I think, will not differ from how we prepared the first group of songs: homework, sleepless night hours in the studio, the final mix. Just two lines…. so easy to write them but difficult to implement. However, this is what must be done. 

I will be covering the working process of both the team tribute and my personal one. In the meantime, I need to think about the implementation of another creative idea that has only an indirect relationship with the music.

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[1] Song title from 1981 album

Summing Up

No, I have not abandoned the idea of the Journal, although thirteen and a half months of silence could strengthen this opinion quite well. Probably, there were some more important things in my life, or some other circumstances added to my laziness. So now I need to quickly sum everything up and move on.

The Lost Time mercilessly punishes for each of its hours. So today I can hardly remember just what I've been busy with this whole year. Only some details of my creative life remained, around which my narrative can further revolve. And talking about all-consuming life routine makes no sense to me now, although even some aspects of creative life turn into it.

1. Writing. So far, I already have two stories, to which I somehow need to give birth officially. The ideas on writing them came spontaneously, just like on their constituent episodes, characters and storylines. The first of them was being written as long as 16 months. It happened gradually, but without push. I did not want to invent development myself, so I waited for the continuation to reveal itself. I was really wondering just how the story will end, and to be honest, by the end of the process I was a little bit nervous, I was afraid that I'll miss the right moment. However, this story has eventually found its logical end. The second story formed in my imagination quite long enough to be then realized very quickly. 41 days passed from the moment I started typing the first words up to the last period, typed just yesterday. Now I want to give some pause to understand what can be done with all this. I really hope that in the near future I will be able to talk in detail about each of these two stories, or maybe three, or maybe about their future destiny.

2. Music. The calm in my Journal activity coincided with that in my musical life. Playing with Road Movie band no longer gave me the satisfaction as before, and so the natural process of alienation came, which was aggravated month by month, and reached its peak in mid-November 2013. When making music becomes justified only by its financial side, it becomes just another part of everyday boring routine, and one starts closing his eyes on everything else, and that happened to me. The social situation in our city (and, perhaps, elsewhere) significantly lowered overall interest in attending concerts for our public. Clubs and concert venues become deserted, and, alas, the financial aspect is also stops working. Practically, no more reasonable motivation to move forward is left. Almost. In my opinion, the situation could only be ruled if we had documented and summed the previous stage of the group’s activities up. We needed an album, which based on the format of this incarnation of our group should have been recorded "live in studio." Only then we could think of going forward. Too many bands in my country live by just playing cover versions. Each of them may produce good session musicians, but not the creative work. No, I do not think it is shameful – to play covers. After all, there are bands concentrating on a given group. For example, please take a look at the list of the bands playing the music of Genesis. But when you create your own music....

The group needs new blood, but I too myself had to change qualitatively. Currently, I play in a purely commercial pop project that meets my expectations of mercantile-material nature and develops my musical horizons. But when you want to play your own music....

Another paragraph in this section is taken by one project, which I must write about very soon. It directly relates to my passion for the music of pH/VdGG, and therefore must be described separately. The main thing in it is not only to pay tribute to your favorite artist and get back to the studio work, but the opportunity to sum ​​up my long-delayed past, to reconcile with it and begin to create my own music. Because when you create your music....

Once again, I thank all those with whom I was able to work with, with whom I am working now, and with whom I will work in the future. Without you I wouldn’t be able to understand lot of things.

3. Translations. In the field of translation I was not able to realize my plans (and I wanted to finish translating the entire catalog of the lyrics of Judge Smith), but I still have time to do that, I hope. However, there was a pleasant exception worth mentioning here. It’s due to the feedback received from a reader, the translation of "Curley’s Airships" has been significantly improved. I also managed to participate in the review of a couple of translations done by Sergei Petrushanko for his site, but a much greater contribution was made by me to the "Chords" section of that site. The prolonged contact with my classical Yamaha, the New Year gift I received a couple of years ago from my wife and brother, gave its results. The guitar itself started revealing her secrets, giving hints at how to play a particular song. On this wave I have offered my own versions of chords to perform a number of songs and albums by pH/VdGG, which are being gradually uploaded on Sergey's Russian pH/VdGG Official Web-Site as soon as they are prepared and provided. Incidentally, this occupation had a huge contribution to the activity described in the last paragraph of the previous section, as well as to the purchase of a new acoustic-electric Yamaha guitar, which I managed to use in recording and played one show with it, which, alas, I will regret about for a long time until I wipe it off clean from my face with a normal performance.

4. Happiness. I’d like to sum up the results in finding happiness. Did you know that happiness can be physically felt inside the chest? It is so! The main thing you need to do is to find the right song for the moment. And if it is a song of your own....

No no, I have not yet recorded my songs in the studio, although I am on my way towards it, but I definitely believe that on the day when it happens, I will have another page of my Life Path summed up and closed, and a new one open.

To sum it up, today I say: we are happy in creation.

One more life lost, one more soul saved

One more life was lost yesterday. Of course, much more lives stopped their flows on that day, thousands of them, maybe even more, but now I'm talking about that special life.
As it often happens, a car hit a Dog, and the one who was driving did not consider himself being a part of the Universe. He left, leaving the animal lying on the road. I popped up in this story on Saturday, so when I finally got to the location on the taxi driven by another Driver, ten-times replacing that first driver, missing from the Universe, we found three normal dogs in good shape and health. They were running away from me, although for some reason preferring to stay nearby. Apparently, the injured animal was part of their little pack, because we found her on the opposite side of the road. It was found out that the animal had been suffering for two days already. This is what we were told by the neighbors leaning out the window when they heard the dog crying while making an attempt to escape from me and to hide under a car. The neighbors were shouting at us and told us not to touch her, so I had to say that we're going to take her to the vet. They understood and nodded sympathetically, and shut their windows. They had been there for two days "guarding" the animal rather to provide the urgently required help!
The sight was quite painful: two legs seemed to be broken, one back and one front. Any attempt to get up and to run away accompanied by hitting the bleeding jaws on the asphalt - Dog could not hold herself up.
Calling the Vet, saying the Dog does not allow to approach her. He says that it is necessary to catch the Dog and bring her to his place. Calling the Coordinator. There is someone one who could do it. "Who is he?" "The one who does this professionally...."
Do I have to deal with the one I have been despising all my life, and not only knowing of what he and others like him do, but even mentioning of their profession made me boil in a rage?
And then, a sequence of events resulted in that I had to leave the scene and go back home, preparing myself for the upcoming morning operation of capturing and transportation of the animal to the Vet.
When crossing one of the streets, a Woman in the crowd walked toward me; she looked me in the eye and, despite my dark look and untidy appearance, she smiled. It made me stop in the middle of the road, and after a couple of seconds I turned around to catch up with her and thank for that smile. She smiled again and said, "Believe me, everything will be fine."
As it turned out after a few minutes, at this very moment, the Man who makes his living by officially killing animals (but who has been assisting the animal protectors for two and a half months already), and with whom I was to meet the next morning, having learned from the Coordinator of the incident was already riding on his own will to that place to check everything himself. I had to explain him the place where the dog was, and so another number was added to my address book under the heart-chilling "name". At the first "look", the Man seemed to be far from being clever, and miles away from the high ideals, which I was not surprised at. But the Coordinator and I were both surprised by the fact that he was there on his own: after finishing his working day, in his own car he decided to go there. When he found the dog, he took a “professional look” on the situation, and concluded that it was very serious: front paw along with the shoulder bone was separated from the skeleton, and was dangling just on the skin. "Such cases do not live," he said, and added that we probably should be ready to accept that the Vet should be required to do euthanasia. And he was very sorry for her, the sound of her screaming hurt him, he gave her some bread and water, and also, as I understood, he pulled her out from under the car and put it on the sidewalk.
We agreed on how to act in the morning. After that I coordinated our actions with that same Driver, outlined the plans with the Coordinator, and, exhausted, went to bed. I slept for two or three hours, and after that I was in a fog of names, visions, phone calls and new names.
However, the Dog was not there when I got to the place next morning. Having analyzed the situation, I suggested that she passed away in her sleep, and scavengers removed the body during their morning shift. The place was clean, the pack was not there, and the animal could not leave the place and move far away. At the appointed time, I called the Driver first, and then the Man.... He suspected that this story will end like this, but he hoped that a miracle would happen….
But I know that the miracle happened! It happened when he decided to go, when he risked of being stopped by police and fined for talking on the phone while driving, when he was searching for her, and when he hurt for her crying when he found her, when he gave her some bread and water, and when he accepted from me the news with regret. And this series of miracles began with a smile of that Woman and her reassurance that “everything will be fine.” It was as if the Universe itself told me about it through her.
But the next day, it became clear that someone had moved the dog on the handcart for a few hundred meters closer. Some woman heard her screaming; she has a dog, and she was willing to cover some expenses. Strange, but I did not notice the Dog, and that she hadn’t whined when I was passing by the place twice. Probably, the Universe did not want to burden me with more responsibility, as well as it did not want me to meet with the Man face to face.
The next day I heard about the Dog was no longer alive.
The life of one dog was lost. This happens every day, all over the planet. But if we consider this event from the other side, we can see that a lot of good has happened in this regard. And if today we were not able to do something, maybe tomorrow we will. I believe that nothing in this story is accidental. Yes, everything happened because of some idiot who brought this dog down, but maybe this case will help to prevent many others.

Each day leaves its traces on me – on my shoulders, on my skin, in my brain.... Every day, life becomes more and more difficult. Sometimes it becomes simply intolerable. And I have said many times that I'm ready (even want) my life to over, but.... each time after it seemed so unbearable something good happens. At such moments you want to hug someone, because I start feeling to some kind of a universal Love. Mother Earth shows herself, she does not yet want to take me to her, she nourishes and invigorates me. And I'm starting to feel my unity with her, who has been suffering millions times more than I’ve been, for many thousands of years in succession.

Blues is....

The last two or three weeks I have been really overloaded. Besides the work a couple of minor tasks have been added, quite nervous and also requiring constant control over them. One of the major projects was the participation in the Hovik Gulishyan's "Back to the roots" project. In early April, Hendo called on me and told about the plans of the Armenian Blues Association to bring this project to life. Mesrop (who was also invited to participate in the project) and I agreed, and on April 13, two days before Hovik's arrival to Armenia, we gathered together for our first rehearsal.

Soon it became clear that our "rock-way-of-thinking" is dissonant with the rules adopted in the blues, which we did not know. The first joint rehearsal in Ulikhanyan Club on Monday has revealed the strengths and weaknesses of our line-up. On Tuesday, we tried to go through the whole program, trying not to linger long on mistakes, if possible, but spotting them out. Each of us have had weak places that by the end of the second joint rehearsal (which included Suren Arustamyan) were quite clearly delineated. Only one rehearsal left then....

After the last rehearsal on Wednesday, we felt a deep contact with each other, which granted us with some confidence and peace of mind, that was necessary in order to start this little tour with the concert at Mezzo Classic House-Club, one of the most considerable venues in our city. It was really a serious challenge for everyone: for us, the "rockers" in the blues, for Hovik, an experienced blues-man among the hot heads, for Vahan Danielian, who took full responsibility for everything.

To our mutual deep joy, the concert was a success. Many words of gratitude have been said and lot of good reviews were heard on that night, but we knew that the next day was to be even "hotter". Friday's concert took place at the club 26 Irish Pub, one of the most popular venue among our blues-men. Despite the pouring rain at the end of the day, the room was crammed with a very appreciative audience, and our performance was quite calm and vivid.

We liked the joke when we said we will have two more opportunities to rehearse before the last gig in Ulikhanyan Club-th - in Mezzo and in Irish Pub. Jokes aside, this Saturday night some unquenchable fervour really burned in us with which we were infecting full packed hall with of good mood and cheerfulness for more than two hours. Impact was enormous. After playing two planned sets, we began the third one, almost entirely improvised. Artak Nersissian, Suren Arustamyan, Khachatur Armenyan joined us and added even more spice to the main dish.

Towards the end, another amazing encounter took place. In between of our jam-session numbers a swarthy and not so tall man approached the stage; I recall I met him a couple of times in the city. He asked if he could join the jam. Vahan told him something, and he sat on the edge of the stage and began to uncover... his saxophone! Before the next number we asked in what key it would be convenient for him to play. When we started our "Rock 'n' Roll Madness in G", the man who had been modestly waiting for his turn, took the stage and added "the cherry on the cream for our cake". He played and retired, after dismantling the saxophone and putting it back. Later in the evening, I was able to approach him in the street when he came out of the club, to thank him for his participation and to wish him the best.

When we gathered together  at Beer Academy to say Hovik goodbye on the Sunday night, Artak told me about this musician. It was Zaid Nasser, son of the famous Jamil Nasser (these links are certainly worth a go). Modesty and sublimity!

Having said goodbye to Hovik and wished him a safe trip back home, we parted our ways. I promised to write this post, and make a photo album (may hands have not yet reached it). Back to work, back to other activities.... and back to the Road Movie, some five days after Ulikhanyan....

After playing the first set in Stop! Club we headed to the dressing room to get ready for the second set full of covers, we were approached by our regular audience and asked what happened during the last two months? "You now have twice the power and twice the fun!"....

We have felt it ourselves. I would say that we now play more accurate, stable; all that we did that night ended up quite well, from a painless installation of the equipment, setting up the sound and transient soundcheck. It was so easy and so pleasant to play that night.

To conclude, I would say that for me blues is "a discipline, teaching listening, demanding to leave all the fuss and pomp behind, forcing to work on yourself through the simple and clear, so that to open the complex and inaccessible later."